House of Commons In Shock As Ruth Ellen Brosseau Quits NDP To Pursue Soccer Career

Ruth Ellen Brosseau Quits NDP To Pursue Soccer Career
Ruth Ellen Brosseau Quits NDP To Pursue Soccer Career

Ruth Ellen Brosseau has shocked the New Democrat Party by announcing her decision to quit politics and pursue a career as a professional soccer player. The NDP MP made the announcement outside the House of Commons today, only days after being elbowed in the chest by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, and hours after a video emerged of her “world class performance”.

“Given the recent circumstances I no longer feel safe to continue as a female politician in Canada,” she told the BSJ. “Instead I will pursue a career in an industry that involves no physical contact whatsoever, soccer.”

The 32-year-old caught the attention of the football world, after her exploits against the PM, which prompted Argentine legend Maradona, to tweet his “respect” for Brosseau’s display. He claims her instinctive skills of deception and quick thinking would stand her in good stead for a “long career in football”.

“The way she twisted her body to maximise impact, before launching herself backwards, was the sign of a player ideally suited to this sport,” he explained. “Capped off with a loud scream to alert the authorities. She’s really mastered the fundamentals.”

Amongst the plaudits from the Canadian soccer community, was coach John Herdman, who said Brosseau could “have her pick of any soccer team in the world”. However the Canadian Women’s soccer team head coach remains skeptical that Brosseau will stay in North America, with a number of the world’s biggest soccer clubs circling. “The lure of Italian football for a player of her diving ability may prove to be too strong,” he admitted. “She’ll be treated like a literal god there.”

Herman was less than complimentary about Trudeau’s role in the incident. “It was a rookie mistake from a man of his vast experience,” Herman said. “If that had been on the soccer field, the PM would have got a straight red card and probably a 2-year ban for brushing against someone’s chest like that.”

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau answers a question during Question Period in the House of Commons on Parliament Hill in Ottawa on Wednesday, May 18, 2016. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Adrian Wyld
Full story: Justin Trudeau To Face Criminal Charges Following “Vicious Assault” On “Lucky to Be Alive” NDP MP

For Brosseau, all of these exciting opportunities are tempered slightly, by the fact she’s still recovering from the significant injuries sustained during the encounter with the PM. But the wonderkid claims to already be ahead of schedule: “Doctors say my speedy recovery from such serious wounds, make it seem as if I wasn’t even injured at all. Guess I’m some sort of medical miracle.”

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