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WASHINGTON, DC—In a hastily convened meeting at the White House today, President Trump gathered all five living former presidents to ask each one how they handled being sued by a pornstar.
After arriving under the pretense of a “national emergency that threatens our very way of life” Jimmy Carter, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama were quickly debriefed by Trump.
“So here’s the situation, it’s pretty typical. You’ve been president for one year and everything’s going great until suddenly that pornstar you banged right after your son was born is suing you,” Trump began.
Remarking how “nothing fully prepares you for the presidency” Trump asked Presidents 39 thru 44 how they dealt with lawsuits from jilted ex-lovers who worked primarily in the adult entertainment industry.
Silence fell over the room as each president looked at each other, then at Trump, then at the floor. “Bill do you want to start? I’m sure you’ve got to have some valuable insight for me?” Trump asked.
“Jimmy, how about you? How did you deal with this kind of thing back in the day? Must have been so much easier to keep this quiet before the internet?”
“How about the Georges? Old Bush, surely you must have given your son some advice on how to deal with this sort of thing?” he queried, before turning to Obama, “and Barry… who the hell invited you?”
According to WH sources, throughout the over 3-hour gathering no one other than Trump spoke once, “the perfect meeting” the President noted.