GASTOWN’s iconic Steam Clock may never be the subject of a terrorist attack, the Vancouver Police Department have warned residents today.
Worried locals have long speculated if the once steam-powered landmark could be targeted by ISIS, North Korea or even a Trump-inspired U.S. However a new report suggests the public should be braced for the possibility of it never being destroyed.
“It looks like it’s here to stay I’m afraid,” one VPD insider told the BSJ. “Maybe some sort of natural disaster, or Richmond driver will do us all a favour, but it looks unlikely.”
At a scheduled press conference, VPD Chief Mike Williams confirmed most Vancouverites’ worst fears after revealing the findings of an exhaustive 3-year investigation, that involved 26 different agencies.
“There has been absolutely no chatter about the Steam Clock whatsoever. Zero,” the chief cautioned. “Bar the usual utter disdain felt by most people in the city.”
While Williams acknowledged that “plenty” of terrorists are currently plotting violent acts of destruction against Canada, “surprisingly no one seems interested” in Vancouver’s greatest tourist attraction.
An ISIS spokesman refused to directly confirm the VPD findings, but did hint that if the clock was “actually powered by steam”, it might be “worth considering”.
The once beloved steam clock became the world’s first tourist attraction to earn a negative score on tripadvisor, after being selected as the cover of Nickelback’s 2011 album ‘Now and Then’.