VANCOUVER, BC—Vancouver Police have confirmed a riot broke out in Science World yesterday afternoon after the guest speaker at a youth science festival, Bill Nye, canceled at the last minute.
Mr. Nye was due to perform at 2:30pm to a sold-out crowd of middle schoolers when organizers took to the main stage to announce that Nye had suffered from food poisoning at a local Chowdery.
Videos shared online showed hundreds of science enthusiasts, ranging in age from 4 to 40, hurling dinosaur bones, microscopes, petri dishes and hydrochloric acid at festival organizers.
“At first there was confusion and then a lot of tears,” one organizer told reporters. “Mainly from the parents. But soon that gave way to violence, vandalism and in some places mild cannibalism.”
A VPD spokesperson refused to mince words and claimed some of the damage could take months, if not years, to repair. “They finished every single puzzle in the damn place and didn’t break them apart or reset them for the next person. The people who did this were absolute scum.”
“In any case it’s still only the second most childish reaction we’ve had to a canceled show this weekend.”
Moving forward, Science World has announced it will refuse to acknowledge Mr. Nye’s title as “The Science Guy” and will instead refer to him as “A Science Guy” or “Some Science Guy” instead.