METRO Vancouver residents are being warned to “remain calm” after widespread reports of a mysterious colourless liquid continuously falling from the sky. Local government are instructing all those located within 200km of Vancouver to “immediately seek shelter” and “stay indoors until further notice”.
“Please stay calm. Do not attempt to go outside or expose yourself to the substance, until we can determine what we are dealing with,” began a pre-recorded government message broadcasted on all radio frequencies this morning. VPD have also warned that emergency services are currently down after being inundated with 911 calls.
One Irish man, who recently moved to Vancouver said he “hadn’t a clue what was going on” when he first encountered the strange substance. “Liquid falling from the sky? Jaysus I’ve never seen the like of it before in my life,” he told the BSJ.
As the strange, odourless fluid began covering the entire city, social media erupted with users posting thousands of images, while the hashtags #WhatTheFuckIsHappening and #WhereIsTheSun quickly started trending across the Lower Mainland.
“Guys! You’re probably going to think I’m crazy but is there liquid falling from the sky?!!” posted one worried mother of 3, followed by multiple shocked emojis. Another user, who posted a 10 second video of the liquid on Instagram, claims his phone is now “totally useless” as a result.
Local scientists at Langara college, having analyzed the substance, are stumped. “Acid, Canada Dry, at this point it could be literally anything!” one screamed, frantically flipping through notes.
It’s still unknown how long this onslaught will last for. “Your guess is as good as mine,” said a scientist wearing glasses, “but surely no longer than a day or two, one assumes.”
Although still unaware of it’s exact use, the BC government have already begun collecting the liquid in large reservoirs, and may even attempt to find a buyer willing to purchase it. “This one company will actually pay us over 2 loonies for every million litres of this crap we give them,” one city official revealed. “That ought to take care of the housing crisis…”