THE Republican nominee Donald Trump, has confessed to a room full of university students in Georgia, that his “very first act” as President will be renaming New Mexico. The revelation came during a Q&A at Valdosta State University, where Trump was campaigning.
Eyewitnesses say that around the midpoint of the forum, a first year psychology student began a question directed at Trump, by identifying herself as New Mexican. The U.S. presidential candidate immediately rolled his eyes and interrupted the young woman. “Oh we’re definitely changing that,” he said. “No please, continue. But when I get in there, New Mexico is gone.”
When asked to elaborate by the moderator, Trump opened up, revealing what his “first act” as President of the United States “will” be. “I mean come on, New Mexico? Are they really serious? My first day in office, I’m changing that name so fast, it’ll blow their sombreros straight off.”
The 19-year-old student looked stunned, and asked why Trump would want to rename her home state. “Listen sweetie, I’m here to make America great again, not Mexico. Alright?” the billionaire responded sarcastically. “They’ve got a real problem in that state with illegals, drugs and crime, and don’t even get me started on the rapists.”
After large booing began to ring out around the auditorium, Trump appeared to backpedal a little. “No come on, I love New Mexico, they’re great people there. They really are. But we all know how many Mexicans are living there illegally because they believe they’re living in Mexico. It’s not their fault. You know, it’s confusing to them, it’s confusing to me, it’s confusing to everybody. Let’s just change the name, so there’s no more confusion, that’s all.”
On potential new names for the state known as ‘the Land of Enchantment’, Trump humbly admitted that he’s “quite good at naming things”, before strongly hinting that “New America” would be the “obvious choice”.
In an effort to restore some order to proceedings, the moderators next questioned Trump on his economic policies, and specifically his plans for creating high skilled jobs for recent college graduates. “And let me tell you, what a disgustingly horrible city Santa Fe is too,” he responded. “One night while I was asleep, I watched a documentary about Sante Fe, which said that they have the highest proportion of rapists in the world. And these rapists actually supported 9/11 too. I’m telling you it’s a terrible place.” Trump was unable to recall the name of the documentary.
The final question posed to Trump was whether the state of New Mexico could or should be governed by Mexico. Trump appeared open to the idea: “Let’s see how much oil is in there first but maybe that could be a solution.” Before adding, “We’d definitely need to build a wall though, and guess who’ll be paying for it.”