The newest addition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) has declared “social agonizing disorder,” or, as it is known in the common vernacular, “being a stupid annoying douchebag,” an official card-carrying member of the mental illness gestapo come May 2013.
“I’m so glad my fateful affliction is finally getting the attention it so sorely deserves,” said lifetime douchebag Denise Personsonstein,”being a stupid annoying douchebag has held me back for year, with no one to turn to. Finally, I can get the help I need.”
“People need to understand that being stupid annoying douchebag is a very real disease, that effects trillions of Americans,” said Dr. Tyler of St. Pfizer’s Medical Hospital and Mortuary, “being a stupid annoying douchebag carries such a stigma these days. We should all recognize that these people have a serious mental disorder worthy only of pity, not ridicule.”
The pharmo-industrial complex issued a response to the announcement, vowing to unleash a blitzkrieg of new designer drugs to altar people’s dangerously unnatural brain chemistry.
In response to this response, a motley crew of stoners, new age medicine advocates, paranoid conspiracy theorists, and other such people vowed to stubbornly resist the efforts of our nation’s drug companies to use the latest scientific knowledge to help people. However, nobody listened to them or cared what they had to say. Social Agonizing Disorder joins such popular diseases as depression, aspergers, and wiggers.