Self described “devil’s advocate” Ronald Jeffries says his coy demeanor has transformed into anxious terror following news that Donald Trump, 2016 presidential candidate and token billionaire caricature, is leading the polls as the frontrunner for possible Republican nominee.
“I was defending Trump to my friends at first, not cuz I like the guy, but because I thought everyone was getting all worked up about someone who was just a novelty candidate anyways,” said Jefferies, “but shit. We might actually have a comic-book style egotistical billionaire business-guy politician now. Is this really happening? Did I suddenly cross dimensions in my sleep somehow and wake up in some stereotypical hollywood movie parody parallel universe?”
Jeffries had previously defended Trump’s comments that illegal Mexican immigrants are “bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists, and some, I assume, are good people.”, which drew national attention following outrage by the media and their flock.
“I’d say things like ‘Come on. You don’t think a single Mexican immigrant has EVER been a criminal? That’s a lot different that saying all Mexicans are rapists. This has been totally blown out of proportion and taken out of context.’ “
But, after these latest developments in the presidential race,
“I fear for my life. I mean, I always secretly in the back of my mind wanted that whole controversy to destroy his career, even while I was playing devil’s advocate. Because I’m sure he’d be a colossal dickhead as President. But apparently Republicans can’t avoid voting for pure evil. Fuck. We are so doomed.”
Jeffries had decided to retire as the local devil’s advocate and instead go back to keeping his stupid mouth shut, especially in defense of people who he ultimately agrees don’t deserve it.