KNOCK, IRELAND—The patron Saint of Ireland has launched an internal investigation into the mysterious emergence of a “St Patty” who he claims is trying to steal his day.
St Patrick, or as he’s commonly known St Paddy, is celebrated in Ireland and across the world on March 17th, where an occasional beverage is consumed. However in recent years, more and more people have been using the day to celebrate some other lesser-known Saint named Patty.
“Alright seriously who’s this Patty bitch and why’s she trying to steal my goddamn day,” began St Patrick’s internal memo. “This isn’t funny guys, there’s plenty of days to go around. Regards, PaDDy.”
Patty, short for Patricia, has emerged recently from North America where “St Patty’s Day” has been used on social media almost as frequently as the traditional Irish holiday—St Paddy’s Day. Who St Patty is remains a mystery.
One theory is that Patty is a reference to a burger patty, a common food type consumed across America on March 17th, and every other day of the year.
“They want to have a day dedicated to a burger, really?” Paddy tweeted in response. “Come on America, I mean no disrespect or nothing, but can’t you guys go one day without thinking about fast food?” he said, pouring his 19th pint of the afternoon.