WASHINGTON, DC (By Justin Sweitzer)—Following a revealing interview on MSNBC which saw Trump administration counselor Kellyanne Conway reveal the existence of the least-deadliest terror attack in American history, President Donald Trump appointed Conway to lead the “Bowling Green Massacre Commission” to investigate why the imaginary event could not become a staple of dinner-time conversation across the country.
In a press release announcing the formation of the commission, Trump voiced his displeasure over the fact that he was able to convince Americans that President Barack Obama was a Kenyan-born muslim who hid a prayer-rug underneath his desk in the Oval Office, but not of the fictitious event that took the lives of zero citizens.
“White House Counselor Kellyanne Conway will head a star-studded commission to investigate why this latest alternative fact could not ingrain itself into the political discourse,” the statement read.
Trump also stole his phone back from babysitter and Chief Strategist Steve Bannon to take to Twitter.
“The zero victims of this terrible tragedy don’t get the recognition they deserve due to the DISHONEST MEDIA’S BAD REPORTING,” Trump said in a tweet. “SAD!”
In the original interview, Conway told MSNBC anchor Chris Matthews that the absence of information on the event was due to the negligence of media outlets.
“I bet it’s brand new information to people that President Obama had a six-month ban on the Iraqi refugee program after two Iraqis came here to this country, were radicalized, and then were the masterminds behind the Bowling Green Massacre,” she said. “Most people didn’t know that because it didn’t get covered.”
Conway has since vowed to uncover newly-created details of the event, and present it in a way that will be more believable for American voters.
In the aforementioned White House press release, Trump said Conway will be heading the commission consisting Infowars’ Alex Jones, Trump advisor Roger Stone, Rafael Cruz, and according to Trump, the recently-resurrected Frederick Douglass.