OKLAHOMA CITY, OK (By Maxamillian Wallace and Anthea Morritt)—Prominent climate change denier, Senator Jim Inhofe (R-OK), went before the Senate this Thursday to condemn America’s growing “Flat Earther” movement, a group who claim that everyone from Galileo to NASA has been lying to them over the past 400 years and that the Earth is indeed two-dimensional.
Mr.Inhofe, who once brought a snowball into senate in order to disprove climate change, dismissed these “round earth deniers” as nothing more than “dangerously uneducated conspiracy theorists” who appear “completely unwilling to accept simple, well-documented scientific facts”.
The Oklahoma Senator, who gained widespread notoriety after publishing his 2012 factual masterpiece “The Greatest Hoax: How the Global Warming Conspiracy Threatens Your Future”, lambasted those who seek to disprove such thoroughly researched and unanimously agreed upon science regarding the shape of our planet, saying that “the notion that every single scientist in the entire world has been misleading the public in some sort of underhanded scheme is sheer, paranoid insanity.”
“I mean, if you simply go out on the ocean or on a plane, you can literally see the curvature of the Earth for yourself. These Flat Earthers just need to go outside and open their eyes!” said EPA Chief Scott Pruitt, commenting from his new California vacation home in a dried out lake bed. As one of the numerous high profile global warming skeptics that have rallied to Inhofe’s side, Pruitt explained that “the debate surrounding this fundamental, easily visible truth about our planet has been over for a very, very long time.”
While Flat Earthers continue to ignore such glaringly obvious holes in their arguments like the existence of satellites, the moon and gravity, President Donald Trump himself weighed into the controversial issue, comforting concerned Americans by assuring them that though the movement is certainly jaw-droppingly backwards and steeped in ignorance, their ideas at least “pose no long term threats to our thriving fossil fuel industry.”