RELUCTANTLY returning to the media spotlight, a gigantic idiot has publicly endorsed an even bigger idiot for president of the United States. The idiot took to the podium, delivering a strong, insightful and coherent message to a feverish Iowa crowd. The bigger idiot, stood awkwardly, grinning, nodding, and standing still, displaying all of the characteristics of a truly great leader.
With the crowd in hysterics, at times the 20-minute monologue felt like a stand up routine directed at the other presidential candidates, particularly in front of an audience possessing a questionable understanding of the word “comedy”. Equally, her critics were left stunned when she revealed her entire speech had actually been scripted.
With a failed vice presidency bid under her belt, she feels “ideally placed” to comment on the eligibility of the “next president of the United States.”
“Listen, I’m just a simple, average, everyday idiot but yet I’m still a former vice presidential candidate. Can you imagine what could be accomplished if this idiot became president?” – Idiot
After renewing her previous calls for major reform of the Department of Law, she went on to demand that America removes its “political correctness” suicide vest and strap on a suicide vest of fear, ignorance and vague intentions.
However, this was a day for one very special idiot and while his position of America’s biggest idiot is under little threat, the endorsement from a prominent idiot of the 2008 election still provides a significant boost. Speaking to reporters after the announcement, the man who “builds tall things” said he was proud to receive her backing. “I’m a big fan of this idiot, always have been. I mean she looks great, she looks fantastic, you know, for her age.”
A leading democratic candidate dismissed claims that the party was “panicking” at the prospect of two of politics’ biggest idiots uniting. “Some moron endorses another moron and I’m supposed to be scared?” he told CNN. “The American people are bright, well-informed, reasonable people. I’m sure they’ll make the right decision.”
Sceptics say the endorsement is a ploy to attract evangelical voters to the Republican hopeful’s campaign, a claim the president elect denies. “Not at all. I strongly value her input on a range of issues, especially our economy and military and obviously her foreign policy experience is second to none.”
Finally, the idiot-in-chief declared that he believes she warrants “strong consideration” as a potential vice president candidate, given her “impressive” international diplomacy record, adding that her relationship with Russia was something that “cannot be ignored.” “Who better to deal with the Kremlin and Putin, than one of their next door neighbours?” he trumpeted.
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