THIS 4th of July will see a host of staged mass shootings in capital cities across the world, to celebrate American independence day.
These inter-governmental organised free-for-alls will take place in over 193 countries worldwide from Toronto to Baghdad. In the US all 50 states will host multiple mass shootings but “no more than a typical Monday” according to the FBI.
President Obama says America is “overwhelmed” by the touching marks of respect by the millions who face the prospect of certain death. “The world realises how important it is to remove the stigma of mass shootings associated with the U.S, by making them commonplace. America thanks you for your sacrifice.”
“Americans are so accepting of our Irish tradition of getting blind drunk on St. Patrick’s Day, that it’s only right we return the favour.” said Irish President Michael D. Higgins ahead of 10,000 strong mass shooting in Dublin.
A reluctant Prime Minister Trudeau reminded Canadian citizens of their national obligations on July 4th. “Even if we don’t always understand our southern cousins’ customs, we as polite Canadians must abide by them regardless.” he said as he cocked his shotgun.
Even in a divided United Kingdom, pro and anti-EU supporters will converge on London’s Leicester Square, and unite in shooting themselves in the foot.
The NRA welcomed the strong show of support from a global community sympathetic to their noble cause against gun control. The organisation also thanked the UN for generously organising the world largest mass shooting for all NRA members deep in the Mojave desert.