PYONGYANG—North Korea says it has successfully tested the world’s first “sun blocking technology”, which they claim plunged the United States into darkness on Monday morning.
A state television announcement said the moon’s temporary blocking of the sun from America, showcases the “groundbreaking technological abilities” of North Korea.
Labelled “an eclipse” by western media, North Korea dismissed this as “propaganda”, claiming sole responsibility for the “deadly attack” which they allege “blinded the buffoonish leader of America”.
“Today, North Korea’s top astrophysicists have successfully managed to use America’s own moon against them to block the light and plunge them into an eternal darkness lasting several minutes,” declared the DPRK News Service.
“Our testing was a glorious success and an indisputable display of North Korea’s technological strength to the millions of American dogs who took to the streets to witness the end of days,” the news bulletin stated.
The report went on to claim that esteemed general Kim Jong Un instigated the attack having personally developed the revolutionary technology while in university.
While the North Koreans were understandably reluctant to reveal their secret to moving the 81 billion tonne astronomical body, the country’s leading scientists estimate a similar attack may not be possible again until 2055. In response Kim Jong Un promised “widespread executions” if they were not able to relaunch within a fortnight.