WASHINGTON, DC (By Dan Sweryt)—Donald Trump’s advisers have denied that they have gas chambers ready and waiting, merely ‘alternative air environments’.
The AAEs are located in vast camps that, though looking suspiciously like gulags, are actually signposted ‘alternative freedom areas’.
The Trump Mein Camp’s Head of Alternative Facts, Kellyanne Conway, said, “a lot of codswallop has been purveyed about these gas– sorry, ‘alternative air environments’ that have been built in our new ‘alternative freedom areas’.
“Concordant with populist belief, these are actually luxury spa and entertainment complexes, for all users, be they Muslim, Mexican, black, poor or women.
“For an ‘alternative small fee’, they are welcome to be interned — sorry, ‘alternatively admitted’ to use all the ‘alternative luxury’ areas including areas designed for ‘alternative sitting’, ‘alternative skincare’ and ‘alternative breathing’.
“There is a free press evening planned where every single member of the press is expected — sorry, ‘alternatively invited’ to attend and able to experience the ‘alternative luxury’ areas that include ‘alternative comforts’ such as ‘alternative swimming’ under the very, very, VERY watchful eyes of our ‘alternative lifeguards’.
“By the way, this is not a swastika in a red band on my arm, it is actually an ‘alternative peace symbol’ on an ‘alternative blue’ ‘alternative quadrangle’,” Conway added.
“Heil Trumptler!” She alternatively did not exclaim.
An American democrat, Jim Halpert, said, “There appears to be no hope now and we just have to go along with it. I mean, what’s the alternative?”