Paul Pogba’s move to Manchester United has all but been confirmed after the club announced that the Sir Alex Ferguson stand is set to be renamed after their former Under-21 star. The move is believed to be the only obstacle holding up his world record transfer back to Old Trafford.
“After 6 months the negotiations are almost over and this is his final demand,” claimed Ed Woodward to MUTV. “That’s requirement no. 463 and should be everything Mr. Pogba desires.”
Man Utd have already agreed to pay £110 million to Juventus, a club who signed Pogba from the Red Devils for nothing. However the deal is actually set to cost United nearly triple that amount once other fees from Pogba’s team are taken into account, with his agent, hairdresser, chef, gardener, window washer, physic, Pokemon Go trainer and Instagram photographer all set to pocket £20 million each.
Initially Pogba insisted that Sir Alex kneel before him and kiss his feet, upon his return to Old Trafford. However these demands were eventually negotiated down to the name change, adding yet another feather to the cap of United’s Chief Executive. “Mr Woodward is a master negotiator,” Mino Raiola said from his solid gold yacht.
Formerly known as the North Stand, it was only renamed after Sir Alex Ferguson in 2011 but Woodward feels “the time is right” to make the change “for the good of the club”. When asked how the greatest manager in the club’s history, felt about the decision, Woodward replied: “Ah, I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.”
In an attempt to not affect morale or the various egos inside the United dressing room, the club will also rename the 3 remaining stands after Ibrahimovic, Rooney and Mourinho. “Well if he’s fucking getting one, why shouldn’t we?” Jose said on Instagram, as Wayne and Zlatan nodded in agreement behind him.