Donald Trump has announced that he is in the “final stages” of negotiating the purchase of the Great Wall of China, a move that has surprised some.
The great Wall of China built circa 200 B.C., served to protect the Chinese state and empire and is famous for being visible from space. It attracts over 16 million people every year and is designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Trump claims the benefits of the purchase are obvious:
“Well it’s clear now that those lazy Mexicans won’t build or pay for the wall themselves so we must take matters into our own hands,” he told the BSJ in an exclusive interview. “Buying this great wall is the only option to make America number 1 again.”
The self-made billionaire claims the wall will be split between both borders and will “protect America against raids and invasions of the various nomadic groups of Canaidia and Mexico.”
When further questioned about the logistics and astronomical cost of shipping the 20,000 km length wall to America, the Republican stated his “good friends” in China will give him a “good deal”:
“Listen, I wrote the Art of the Deal for heaven’s sake. Not a single man on the face of this Earth today can bargain better that me and that’s a fact. The Chinaman drives a hard bargain but the deal is nearly done and there’s no turning back now. I’m a man of my word.“
When the interviewer specifically asked him how he was going to reassemble a 5,500 mile long wall, Trump answered: “We’re building a better tomorrow so we may need cheap labour from our neighbours on both sides. But as soon as they finish the wall, they’re out of here.”
Trump even suggested that children who were particularly skilled at Lego would also be considered for certain roles, adding, “I don’t discriminate.”
As he waxed lyrically about China and the influence it had on him, he spoke of the many resemblances he sees between himself and Qin Shi Huang, the first Emperor of China. “What a guy, he clearly had a vision, he just wanted to make China great, make it number one, you know? Those supposed allegations of tyranny were hearsay and conjecture. It happens to all the truly great leaders.”
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