WASHINGTON, DC—Citing the possible recurrence of an old sports injury, Donald Trump was forced to wear a cast on his right arm today, one day after meeting Justin Trudeau in the capital.
The American President reported no discomfort with his hand or arm prior to his talks with Trudeau, confidently greeting the Canadian Prime Minister at the front steps of the White House with his customary handshake.
However early Tuesday morning Trump visited the White House doctor and was given a cast to wear for a few weeks, as well as instructions to refrain from grabbing things.
While Trump admits the PM had taken him “a little off guard”, the President refused to blame Trudeau’s “unusual handshaking style” for causing the damage.
“I guess they have a some weird handshake in Canada where they insist on not being arm wrestled and jerked around the place,” Trump laughed. “It’s like this guy has never greeted other world leaders before, but he’ll learn that with experience.”
“Honestly though, I’ve got no problem whatsoever with his handshake. It was a good firm handshake, especially for someone with such small girly hands,” he added.
While the 45th President admits the loneliness in the White House without his wife and daughter Ivanka “hasn’t helped” an old wrist fracture heal, Trump believes a sports injury is the most likely culprit:
“It’s probably an old football or basketball injury,” he continued. “Or maybe it’s from my hockey-playing days. I used to be a great hockey player, believe me. Could have gone pro but decided to do season 7 of The Apprentice instead. A tough choice.”
In any case Trump acknowledged that some pain was “inevitable” given his enormously sized hands, “a constant burden” he confessed. “I guess carrying around these two sledgehammers has finally caught up with me.”
Despite still being fresh, Trump’s cast was already colourfully decorated by Trump’s advisors, Steve Bannon proudly drawing the largest swastika of all.