New Monorail System for Vancouver Receives Widespread Support at City Hall

Vancouver monorail coming soon
Vancouver monorail coming soon

METRO VANCOUVER could be in line for a brand new state-of-the-art monorail system if proposed plans are approved by Translink.

Due to several recent EPA violations by one prominent local energy company, there is expected to be a considerable surplus in the city’s budget for the year ending 2016. At a recent public Vancouver city hall meeting, chaired by Mayor Robertson, the prospect of this surplus was a major talking point.

Many wide ranging ideas from all areas of the public sector were discussed at length. However, public opinion at the meeting, appeared to lean heavily towards a new mass-transportation system in Vancouver, jointly proposed by Translink and Lanley Industries.

Current public support for Translink is at an all time low in Vancouver, following the introduction of the cities unpopular new compass cards, coupled with the public’s ‘no vote’ on the recently proposed transit tax. Because of this, initial reaction amongst attendees was mixed, but many cited a “catchy tune” sung by Lanley as a major turning point in discussions.

Translink claim the Vancity Monorail would replace all existing SkyTrain tracks and feature a raised track, much like Seattle. Up to 10% of Downtown Vancouver streets are expected to be closed to accommodate the new light rail system. Whether or not this proposed new light rail system will be fully funded by the $4 million budget surplus, remains to be seen.

The proposed monorail is the brainchild of Lyle Lanley, a charismatic man with a respectable resume in the transportation industry, having built high quality monorails across the United States, from Brockway all the way to Ogdenville, and everything in between, including the illustrious North Haverbrook monorail.

Despite their success, Lanley Industries has previously been alleged of corruption, bankrupting cities and cost-cutting on critical safety features including brakes. Lanley dismissed all allegations claiming he had never even heard of the cities mentioned.

Sebastian Cobb, the chief engineer of Lanley Monorails was also in attendance, addressing concerns over whether a monorail was a necessary upgrade from the SkyTrain:

“How will this differ from what’s already in place? Monorail by definition, means one rail. Vancouver’s current SkyTrain system runs on two rails. We believe we can cut that by 50% thereby saving this city millions.”

Mr. Lanley appeared in a confident mood as he insisted construction of the monorail will also provide thousands of jobs to the local economy, including a back-to-work program for recovering alcoholics. He even claimed a special guest “who has gone where no man has gone before” may make a cameo appearance at the monorail’s maiden voyage, despite another special guest turning down the voyage.

One local women seemed dismayed at the city council’s decision, saying that in her opinion any surplus should be spent on fixing the many “dangerous” potholes on Main St. Another elderly resident, Mr. Snrub, called for further investment into one of the cities local power plants, which proved an unpopular suggestion with the crowd.

Lanley industries is currently recruiting local Vancouver monorail conductors. No previous experience required as an extensive 3-week course will be provided to successful applicants. See facebook for more…