LONDON, UK—The United Kingdom has overwhelmingly voted to elect Boris Johnson as the nation’s final Prime Minister.
In Scotland the independence-supporting SNP were elected at a landslide, while in Northern Ireland the Irish nationalist Sinn Fein party gained more seats than the unionist party for the first time. Both are seen as key indicators of a UK break-up in the near future.
Johnson is expected to pull England, Wales and against their will, Scotland and Northern Ireland out of the EU on Jan 31st, thereby setting in motion the wheels of Scottish independence and Irish reunification
“I am honoured to have been chosen as this nation’s last head of state before we inevitably go our separate ways. I shall continue to run this country into the ground until we are nothing but a pile of smouldering rubble,” he proclaimed from load cheers from his fans.
Johnson is widely credited with leading the recent demise of the United Kingdom and the electorate clearly feels he is the perfect man to get the job done and finish the UK off once and for all.
“The UK is like a dog you’ve just run over with your bicycle. You’ve tried running over it again a few times to finish it off but nothing can quite kill it. That’s why the UK has elected me. I turn up with a bazooka and I will get it done no matter what happens, whether Scotland and Northern Ireland like it or not.”
“What about Wales?” one reporter queried to which Johnson responded: “Oh I can assure you our marine life will be fine.”