by Zachary Rodriguez
THE two African poachers who assisted dentist Walter J. Palmer in the recent assassination of Cecil the Lion have been found guilty in a Zimbabwean court this weekend.
“The court of the Great and Powerful Nation of Zimbabwe has heard cries of outrage rise throughout the Earth like a mighty roar,” said the ruling, “never before has a non-fictional lion captured the world’s imagination and outrage in this way. It is only fitting that these perpetrators pay the ultimate price. Blood for blood. Life for life.”
The pair have been sentenced to death by elephant stampede.
Dr. Palmer’s lawyer issued a statement saying his client is “very sorry” and “will never do anything like that again, except within the narrow restrictions of the law.”
On Friday, picketers broke into the dentist’s establishment, vandalizing several ornamental animal heads decorating the dentist’s waiting room.
The American Dental Association has called Palmer “a disgrace to the fine and noble art of dentistry” and called his actions “an offensive reinforcement of destructive dental stereotypes.”
Meanwhile, the two Zimbabwean protesters await appeal from the Zimbabwean Supreme Court.
The death sentence stems from a controversial 1996 law made under King Rafiki the Magnificent, at the urging of the UN Council on Environmental Regulation and International Sport Hunting.