MANCHESTER City’s new signing Claudio Bravo, has tragedy broken both of his arms, just 3 hours into his first training session with his new team. Details of the injuries sustained remain scarce but City’s medical team have confirmed that the horrific injuries will rule Bravo out for the season.
Pep Guardiola explained that the incident was “completely accidental” and came about during a customary welcome greeting by some of Bravo’s new teammates. “Yaya, Samir, Willie, Joe and a few of the older boys were giving him ‘the bumps’, as you say, and suddenly he fell for no reason.”
From the injuries sustained, Man City’s doctor reckons Bravo fell over 30ft, and some players confessed to being a little over exuberant. “We were just so happy that such a world-class player had joined us, that we might have gotten a little carried away,” said Willy Caballero. “It’s tragic for Claudio but you know, them’s the breaks.”
Joe Hart looked “absolutely fucking devastated” when told the news, according to club sources. Speaking to MCTV later, Hart explained that he had repeatedly warned the other players that they were being “too rough” with their fragile new teammate.
“I kept telling them, ‘lads he’s from Chile, he not as strong as us. You’re being too rough’ but they wouldn’t listen,” Hart sobbed. “They just kept throwing him higher and higher.”
Hart explained how he dived desperately to save his new friend, but his valiant effort was in vain. “I really thought I could save him but I guess since I’m lacking in match sharpness so much, I just wasn’t quick enough… But this is not the manager’s fault for not picking me,” he stressed. “The last thing I want is the fans blaming Pep for all this.”
In related injury news, Willy Caballero was found dead this morning alongside 3 Man City youth team goalkeepers, after suffering 17 gunshots wounds to the back of the head, in an apparent group suicide. Until a replacement is found, Guardiola confirmed that David Silva will be handed the ‘number 1’ shirt for City’s upcoming games.