EURO 2016 has been thrown into turmoil this morning, with the news that the England national team have taken the only match ball home with them.
The English have come under intense scrutiny at this summer’s championships both on and off the field, and the move will do little to boost their popularity around the rest of Europe.
“We regret to announce that due to the English team’s selfishness, we are forced to cancel this year’s competition,” the official UEFA statement read. “They’re such selfish pricks.”
The move comes after the English were dumped out of the competition by Iceland promoting Roy Hodgson to grab the ball from Sigthorsson as the full time whistle blew. The match winning Icelandic had been about to present the ball to a terminally ill child, but Hodgson made little apology in snatching the ball.
“It’s our ball and we’re taking it home,” Hodgson said with the ball under his arm. “We invented the sport, we make the rules and there’s nothing UEFA can do about it.”
To maximise impact, jumpers that had been used as goalposts were also removed by England captain Wayne Rooney, much to the dismay of the Icelandics.
Remarkably this is not the first time that England have used this tactic. In 1876, an English delegation tasked with introducing football to the Chinese, finished with the two countries playing a friendly game of a 11-a-side. However the impromptu game was abandoned when England took the ball home after going 11-0 down inside the first 20 minutes.