WASHINGTON, D.C.—Mike Pence took a 4-hour shower shortly after meeting the Irish Taoiseach and his boyfriend at the White House on Thursday.
The Irish PM, Leo Varadkar and his partner Matt Barrett were warmly welcomed at the White House by Pence and his sister but both were rushed away hurriedly after the photo-op sparking rumours.
The Vice President’s Press Secretary later confirmed Pence‘s schedule had been cleared for the remainder of the day after the “recurrence of a particularly aggressive allergic reaction”.
Loud sobbing was reportedly heard coming from Pence’s private washroom, with only “Mother” and a priest who specializes in exorcisms allowed into the room. Large barrels of holy water and several electric tasers were apparently used in the treating of Mr. Pence.
The allergy reportedly impaired the Vice President’s ability to make eye-contact or speak throughout his meeting with the Irish Taoiseach and his lover. It is believed to be the same allergy suffered by his wife Karen moments before the Irish PM and his male sexual partner arrived, forcing her to pull out of the engagement at the last minute.
Thankfully the Second Lady was still well enough to teach extra classes at her anti-LGBT school, while Pence’s sister instead assumed the role of ‘Mother’ for the proceedings.
While the V.P. joked with staff that he felt “much better” following his 4-hour cleanse, he was overheard noting that “a quick refresher course at gay conversion therapy camp never hurt anyone”.
Meanwhile President Trump commended his Vice President for his conduct throughout the encounter, telling Twitter that he heard “the meeting was not as awkward as you might think”.