Former Inter Milan and “Pro Evolution Soccer 4” star Obafemi Martins has finally confirmed one of football’s longest running rumours.
The Nigerian forward has today admitted to FMFN that he is not 30 years old but refused to confirm his real age. The Seattle Sounders speedy front man was reportedly born prior to World War One but would not reveal his true age. “I will take this secret to the grave” he whispered.
Dr. Derek Diskin*, a clinical psychiatrist at Seattle University (and part time deputy sheriff), confirmed Martins’ claims. “This elderly man is a pathological liar due to his chronic alzheimers,” Dr. Diskin said. This diagnosis followed Martins’ suspicious claims, that he broke the sound barrier while chasing a through ball.
Martins seemed relieved as he was confronted by Sounder’s fans: “I can’t live a lie anymore. I’m just glad to be getting the help I need and promise to never lie again for as long as I may live. Which honestly can’t be that long at this stage…”
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“When I was a young boy I travelled to America on a ship. But the ship hit an iceberg and sank. I was rescued in the freezing water by a young woman with red hair, who had just inexicblicibly let her boyfriend die. We were rescued and brought to New York where I set out on foot to complete my pilgrimage to Seattle. It took me 45 minutes to jog there.” – Martins, 2015.
Seattle manager Sigi Schmid confirmed that Dr. Diskin approached him with his findings but he dismissed his theory, and questioned the credibility of the doctor: “I thought it was all poppycock at the time. Honestly I thought Dr. Diskin was drunk, considering his odour and how many times he kept spitting on me.”
*not pictured due to ongoing legal action