TOLYATTI, RUSSIA—The Swiss national team has been forced to pull out of the 2018 World Cup just one day before the start of the tournament after suffering an astonishing injury crisis.
According to the official squad list submitted to FIFA, no fewer than all 23 players have been reported injured, leaving football’s governing body with “no choice” but to remove Switzerland from the competition.
The Swiss FA are yet to comment on the news but are believed to have exhausted all options including their standby list, but remarkably every player was listed as injured.
Not helping the cause, the vast majority of the Swiss backroom team have also been struck down with this mysterious disease, although it is thought to not have affected the country’s Bosnian-born head coach.
Competition to replace the Swiss team is fierce with the Republic of Ireland seemingly leading the chase after submitting a “you fucking owe us” offer to FIFA.
Tragically, Sepp Blatter appears to have been unharmed.