OTTAWA, ON—Pleading for forgiveness for the lengthy execution of his number one campaign promise, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau today pledged to not get high again until marijuana is legal across Canada.
“As head of state I must lead by example,” Trudeau told High Times magazine. “Which is why I vow not to have another joint, bong hit or edible until recreational weed is permissible for every man, woman and child from coast to coast.”
The Liberal Party finally announced plans to legalize recreational marijuana by July 1st, 2018, but many disgruntled pot enthusiasts are frustrated at Trudeau’s slow and lazy attitude towards legalization. Now the Prime Minister admits he can no longer feel good about getting stoned, “while so many others are forced to wait”.
“Part of this job is about sacrificing. And I know that millions of Canadians, particularly in Vancouver, are patiently waiting for weed to be legal before sparking up, and I thank you for your patience and sacrifice. Now, I too will know your pain.” – Prime Minister Trudeau
Later the PM told the interviewer off-the-record, “Think I don’t want it legalized as badly as you? But I’ll wait in solidarity, even though I can get primo shit cause I’m Prime Minister, so it totally blows,” adding that it was an especially difficult sacrifice given he “doesn’t have to pay” for it and can have “RCMP deliver anytime” day or night. “It’s pretty sweet.”
The PM confirmed that while he will once again light the ceremonial 100ft joint at Vancouver 420, as is tradition, he will not be partaking this year.
“It’s not going to be easy, I mean 420 just isn’t going to be the same,” Trudeau confessed. “Marc Emery’s birthday will be pretty boring too, and then there’s July 1st—Cannabis Day, which is going to be totally pointless now.”