Trump Tells Supporters To Only Use Ask Jeeves In Future: “He’s the only one I trust.”

Trump Ask Jeeves
Trump Ask Jeeves "the only one I trust right now."

DONALD Trump has once again warned his supporters against using “mainstream search engines” like Google or Yahoo, and instead insisted they only use Ask Jeeves in future.

“Honestly, he’s the only one I trust right now,” Trump said at a rally in Nevada. “You have no idea how high this thing goes.”

He strongly advised the 10,000-strong crowd to avoid “pro-Hillary websites” such as Google, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Wikipedia, and “obviously anything ending in .gov”. Instead Trump suggested using a website that has been defunct for the past 10 years, and since rebranded as

“Well Spudnik News ranks Jeeves as the web’s most reliable search engine for political news, for the year ending 2006,” he shouted, at the noticeably dismissive press core. “Is that enough of an endorsement for you?”

Last month Trump accused Google of purposely suppressing negative articles about Hillary Clinton, highlighting the obvious bias among those in Silicon Valley. Now Trump claims that Clinton herself is manipulating Google’s search engine:

“Google is hiding all of the real news that Crooked Hillary doesn’t want you to see,” Trump explained, to a chorus of boos and hissing. “Her 8-year affair with Obama has been reported by all the trustworthy news sites, from FOX News to the National Enquirer, but Google is only interested in me.”

Compounding Trump’s misery was Google’s apparent insistence on not quashing negative stories about him.

“Oh but they’ve got all my controversies all right. Every one. My tax avoidance, my weird relationship with Ivanka, my charity, my university, along with every stupid fucking thing I’ve ever said. It’s rigged I’m telling you.”

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At press time, Google released a statement addressing Trump’s comments directly:

“While we would gladly suppress stories about Mr. Trump for the right price, it is simply not possible for us to hide that many articles. There’s only so much even we at Google can do.”

Later, Trump did reveal that he believes there are “some good guys” in the technology sector, although “not many”. “AltaVista is ok, Lycos is decent, but Jeeves is the best by far, at least until FOX finally brings out their own search engine.”

However, the republican candidate was equally as dismissive of Google’s main rival from Microsoft. “Oh come on it’s 2016, who the hell is still using Bing?”

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