WASHINGTON, DC—Citing “modernizing America” as the cornerstone of his time in office thus far, Donald J. Trump today announced his belief that Washington DC should be renamed to a “more current” President.
Originally named after the United States’ first President George Washington, America’s 45th Commander-in-chief believes “the time has come” to change the capital city’s outdated name to someone “more relevant”.
“I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m sure George was a terrific guy and probably a pretty decent President,” Trump began, outlining how he was “fairly sure” his grandfather had been very good friends with him in high school. “But how many best-selling books, reality tv shows and former Playmate wives did he have? Not many I’d say.”
“I just think today’s America doesn’t really know who or what Washington is really. I mean is he alive, is he dead? Is he a dollar bill? Is he a state? Is he a city? I mean come on, who really knows?” – President Trump On President Washington
Instead the former billionaire claims a more appropriate president is required to better represent America’s capital in the current political climate.
“Trump DC just sounds right, doesn’t it?” the President asked, reminding America how “terrific” he is at naming things. “Or even something more out of the box like Donald DC perhaps?”
Once the new name is officially selected, Trump will next turn his attention to changing the President’s full address to something more worthy.
“Honestly The Trump House, Trump D.C., has a very very nice ring to it,” he
declared, adding that it would only be better if it ended with “the United States of Trump”. “Just a matter of time,” he murmured.