LONDON, UK – Chelsea Football Club have announced that manager Antonio Conte has been sacked, following what the club described as an “unacceptable result” against Tottenham.
The league leader’s surprise 2-0 defeat at the hands of rivals Spurs appear to have been the first and final nail in the Italian’s coffin, leaving Chelsea without a win in 2017.
“Chelsea Football Club regrets to announce that Antonio Conte has left the club by mutual consent,” an official statement read. “Our recent form over the past 90 minutes has been completely unacceptable and the club feels the need to act now and move in a fresh direction.”
Guus Hiddink has been selected to head a one-man committee into finding a permanent successor to Conte, and is expected to appoint himself as interim manager before the end of the week.
Conte himself appeared pragmatic about the shock decision. “I am disappointed but Roman Abramovich is a how-you-say thick cunt, so I’m am not too surprised,” he said, purchasing an Italian-to-Mandarin dictionary at Heathrow. “Good luck getting Victor Moses a Premier League medal now.”
Jose Mourinho, whose resurgent Manchester United side are unbeaten in 2017 so far, has expressed his sympathy at the plight of Conte but suggested football is a “results driven” industry.
“They haven’t won one game since last year so what do you expect,” Jose said shaking his head. “When I left, Chelsea were one point above relegation. Now where are they? Not even involved in the relegation battle whatsoever. It’s disgraceful really.”