SHANGHAI, CHINA—Carlos Tevez, who was this week labelled “overweight” by the manager of Shanghai Shenhua and ruled out for selection, has vowed to get back into shape “no matter how much it costs”.
Blaming “more than a few dodgy Chineses” for the sudden weight gain, Tevez signalled his intention to go under the knife immediately and perform whatever medical procedures necessary, insisting “money would be no object” in his desperate attempt to return to the Shenhua first team.
“Liposuction, gastric bypass, tummy tuck, I’ll do whatever it takes, no matter the price, that’s how committed I am to earning back my manager and teammates’ respect,” the 33-year-old told reporters in China.
“Besides I probably have insurance anyway,” he realised, suddenly, “which should cover most of it. And I’m sure the club will pitch in a bit too so there’s nothing stopping me now.”
The former Boca star admitted to having lost focus in recent weeks due to Neymar’s world record move to PSG. “With all the money thrown about in that Neymar deal I just thought, ‘is it all worth it for £615,000-a-week plus bonuses?’ But I suppose it is.”