THE VATICAN, ROME(By Dan Sweryt)—Former Leicester City boss Claudio Ranieri has been denied his sainthood as the Catholic Church claim there is ‘no evidence’ for a second miracle.
Taking over the EPL relegation favourites at the start of the 2015/16 season, Ranieri was asked to stave off inevitable demotion that season; thought to be an unlikely scenario given their playing squad and previous seat-of-the-pants relegation battle.
However, Mr Ranieri somehow turned an underperforming squad into the English Premier League Champions, beating title contenders Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester City along the way to taking the title by 10 clear points.
Mr Ranieri’s turnaround was designated a provisional miracle as early as their 1-3 away victory at The City of Manchester Stadium and verified official by The Vatican as soon as they saw the fans’ pilgrimage to Jamie Vardy’s house for the title celebrations.
However, canonisation eludes Ranieri, as the same players refused to perform for him this season, despite still retaining a place in the Champions League at the Round of 16 stage in early March.
Ironically, the return to the usual effort and ability of the players gives greater credence for his original miracle.
For now, St Claudio has to wait.
UPDATE: There are unconfirmed reports that yesterday evening Ranieri managed to successfully navigate the Leicester one-way system; a feat that even eluded Jesus on his last visit. The Pope has been informed and is assessing the claim.