David Moyes Asks Man Utd If They’ll Be Needing Anything Else Before He Leaves

David Moyes Asks Man Utd If They’ll Be Needing Anything Else Before He Leaves
David Moyes Asks Man Utd If They’ll Be Needing Anything Else Before He Leaves

MANCHESTER, UK—Stuffing a few remaining notes into his official Manchester United designated briefcase, David Moyes turned and took one last look at Old Trafford on the final day of his 7-year contract.

According to reports Moyes is believed to have stopped off at Ed Woodward’s office, where Ed, Ole, Mike Phelan and dozens of members of the Man United transfer committee were gathered around a large conference table pointing at graphs, making calls and discussing targets.

“So will there be anything else you’ll be needing then,” Moyes said from the doorway as people busily shuffled past him. “Need a hand re-signing Adnan Januzaj perhaps?”

“How about Gareth Bale? I’ve been this close to finalising a £150 million deal with him for the past 7 years. Just say the word and I’ll make it happen. No?”

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“Right, well I suppose I’ll be off then.”

After waiting several moments for a response from anyone, Moyes is said to have pulled out a withered piece of paper labelled ‘transfer targets 2014/15’ containing a list of over 200 players including the names Juan Mata and Marouane Fellaini scratched out at the very bottom. He handed it to Ed Woodward.

“Look after him,” Moyes said pointing to a picture of Fellaini. “He’s served us well. And remember he needs watering at least twice a week and lots of sunlight.”

Woodward, who up until this point had been desperately trying to figure out who he was talking to, nodded back politely saying: “Yeah, thanks a lot Darren,” before filing the sheet away in the recycling bin.

As the final few minutes of his contract ticked away, Moyes could be seen in the club’s Megastore arguing with United staff that his 10% staff discount was still valid until the end of the day.

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