OTTAWA – The Canadian Prime Minister from 2004 – 2015 Stephen Harper, has sensationally announced he has “reversed” his decision to retire and is “willing to stand again” as leader of the Conservative Party in 2019.
The 57-year-old’s decision to return has sent shockwaves throughout the Canadian political area and comes just days after he confirmed his retirement as a Calgary MP.
“I can no longer stand idly by while this child runs this country into the ground,” the former Prime Minister said outside Tory HQ to a crowd of a few hundred. “If chosen, I will once again proudly stand as leader of the Conservative Party. I feel fit and ready to run this country for another 20 or 30 years at least.”
The former PM was a surprise guest at 130 Albert St, where a major discussion about the future of the Conservative Party was due to be held. Like many veteran conservative voters, Harper has quickly grown “disillusioned” at the split in the party over who should assume the leadership role.
After an exhaustive search for a successor many felt candidates such as Trost, Lemieux and Scheer lacked the required “Stephen Harper-ness” needed to lead the conservative party. It’s a sentiment Harper himself supports:
“What Conservative voters want more than anything else, is for things to stay the exact same, at all times, forever,” he said, as supporters nodded wildly and wiped tears from their eyes. “A vote for me is a vote to stand still, deny progress.”
Harper later was spotted broadcasting directly to the Canadian people from his iPhone.
“Greetings fellow Calgarians and fellow Canadians…” began Harper’s live Facebook video, that has since been deleted. “Having taken a back seat in Canadian politics for over a week now, I feel the time is right for me to return and provide Canada with the leadership it deserves.” As the video faded to black, a “Harper 2019” logo appeared as ‘Get Ready’ by the Temptations played loudly.