WASHINGTON, DC—The 44th president of the United States, Barack Obama has admitted publicly for the first time that one year of watching Donald J. Trump as president has been “infinitely more stressful” than 8 years as president himself, and accepted he should have “never left” office.
Acknowledging his hair has greyed significantly more in the past year, the former President confided he could have “never expected” there could have been anything more stressful than been solely responsible for 330 million lives.
“Boy was I wrong. This is worse, much worse. Everyday since I left feels like the longest day of my life. It’s been horrific.” Obama conceded. “I should have never left, I should have refused to leave, I see that now.”
“I have more than a few regrets about my time as president,” he continued, “but that’s certainly the biggest. I should have barricaded myself in the Oval Office like Joe suggested and let The Donald try and drag me out of there himself.”
While Obama understands the majority of Americans likely identify with his sentiments, the former president insists that only he fully understands the true power of the man currently in charge of the nuclear launch codes.
“Knowing what I know, it’s just incredibly stressful to think how close America comes to the brink each and every day,” he added, admitting to have slept a “lot more soundly” when the person in charge of the nuclear button was someone with an IQ greater than that of the button.
“I just get these incredible chest pains every time I think about how easily Donald could roll over in his bed some night and wipe out France.”