OTTAWA, ON—Justin Trudeau today moved a step closer to doing what no Canadian Prime Minister has done before, by admitting he is “considering” banning American politicians from the country.
In a ground-breaking speech broadcasted live across the entire nation, the Prime Minister outlined his “concerns” about certain U.S. lawmakers entering Canada.
“When America elects its politicians, they’re not electing their best,” Trudeau began, in front of a silent House of Commons.
“They’re electing politicians that have lots of problems, and they’re going to bring those problems here. They’ll bring lies. They’ll bring fear. They’re racists… And some I assume are good people,” he continued, stressing the importance of Canadian values being upheld and not influenced by recent events south of the border.
The ban, which Trudeau explained would begin initially on a trial period of approximately 2 years, would apply to all high-ranking bureaucrats of the United States. “In 2020 we can reassess and see how it’s working,” he added.
Cryptically, the PM did not mention any American “leaders” specifically at risk of exile from the Great White North, sending the rumour mill into overdrive. However, the reputable American broadcaster FOX News later exclusively revealed that Canada’s ban will be targeted at Obama and immediately called on President-elect Trump to oppose Canada’s potential action.
“This is just those Eskimos trying to stop us from shipping Obama back where he belongs,” respected journalist Sean Hannity said. “I’ve been saying it for years. We all know Obama was born in Canada, just look at his birth cert.”
However the Prime Minister denied the claims, insisting it’s “highly unlikely” the ban will ever be invoked, as any potential US politician would have to violate a number of “near-capital offences” relating to tax evasion, sexual assault and hate speech.
“They’d honestly have to be a total asshole for it ever to even happen,” he stressed.