PALM BEACH, FL—Sensing some possible tension, Donald Trump has moved to reassure worried supporters that the American presidency has not interfered with his golf game, despite being forced to travel regularly to Washington DC for work.
Although he’s been in office just 4 month, ‘The Donald’ has only been spotted at his Florida golf resort on 18 separate occasions*, concerning voters who were promised Trump would maintain his golfing standards throughout his time as President.
“Honestly I’m not concerned. I will never allow my job as President to get in the way, even if I can’t be in Florida as often as I’d like,” he said, acknowledging that his frequent trips to the capital “haven’t helped”.
Despite this notable absence from the fairway, golfing for a mere 6 weekends or just 21 days since taking office, Trump promised that he remains “fully committed” to golf regardless of the unwanted distraction of being leader of the free world.
“Don’t worry, even when I’m in highly classified intelligence briefings or meeting with foreign dignitaries, my mind is never too far from Mar-A-Lago,” the President assured, brandishing claims he was attempting to better the lives of all Americans as, “totally fake news”.
However with his ability naturally declining (his handicap slipping below Tiger Woods for the first time in his life), the American leader has vowed to set aside more time for his putting and driving, going forward.
“I’ll probably take some time off in the summer, you know relax, unwind for a few months and hit the links bigly,” the President told Golf Digest. “I began my term with a handicap of +1 and when I leave office in 20 years that number will be at least minus 5. This is my solemn vow to the American people.”
Number 45 also unveiled plans to convert the White House front lawn into a 9-hole golf resort and driving range, with the John F. Kennedy Conference Room becoming an indoor putting green, a further sign of President Trump’s determination to finally get his priorities straight. (Adipex)
*figure correct at time of writing but has likely increased since you started reading this.