FUSSA, JAPAN—The President of the United States has begun his tour of Asia by making the astonishing revelation that he was personally sexually assaulted by Hillary Clinton.
Mr. Trump alleges the incident happened in October, 2016 during the second presidential debate with Mrs. Clinton and claims the DNC knowingly covered up the story to help her get elected.
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The shocking accusation came during a Q&A with the assembled press corps at Yokota Air Base as the President addressed the ongoing FBI investigation into his ties to the Russians.
“Are you at all concerned about the mounting investigation into your alleged collusion with the Russian government?” one local reporter asked, the first question.
Trump paused briefly to drink some water, cleared his throat, then appeared to read from a prepared statement.
“I’m beyond horrified to hear about these accusations. If there were ever links between me and Russia, I apologise. I honestly do not remember. I think the reason for this may have been because I was sexually assaulted by Hillary Clinton.”
As loud audible gasps were heard the stunned journalist sputtered, “excuse me?”
“Yes it’s true. It happened during the debates,” Trump said, removing his reading glasses. “She touched me in a very inappropriate way, and I’m an expert, believe me.”
“Bill watched, he enjoyed it. It was all very nasty. Hillary smirked at me but said nothing, except that I definitely did not have any problem down there.”
The revelation explains a cryptic tweet from the President earlier this morning that simply read “#MeToo”.
The President said the events of the past few weeks left him compelled to speak out saying “now was the right time”. He called on special counsel to the Russian investigation Robert Mueller, to immediately “drop everything” and focus solely on opening a full and thorough investigation into the allegations he just made.
“Didn’t she also rig the election and the DNC?” one RT journalist next asked Trump.
“Yes. She raped me, just like she raped Bernie,” he replied, before demanding Mueller add that to the growing list of atrocities committed by the Clintons and the Democratic Party.
‘Nothing else matters,” he concluded, instructing the press that he would no longer be answering questions on any topic other than his accusations against the Clintons for the remainder of his 11-day trip.
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